The warmth of the plush cushions and the familiar scent eased Kylie’s mind as she curled up on Jessy’s couch. After finding the video evidence of her husband’s infidelity, she couldn’t stay at their house anymore. With Jessy’s help, she packed a bag and left without a word. During the car ride, her friend went nuclear about how spoiled and manipulative Samantha was all her life. Jessy ranted that she wasn’t surprised in the least that she stooped so low to seduce her own sister’s husband.
Jessy wasn’t wrong, but Kylie never wanted to admit it. She blamed herself for the way Samantha acts now, always allowing her to get her way and take the easy way out of her problems. Letting her little sister shine after the tragedy that befell their family let the empty hole in her heart hurt a little bit less. Seeing Samantha smile and live her best childhood brought back a bit of her own. Their father, Nathan, also indulged the whims of his youngest daughter. He feared the weight of the world would crush such a young and precious child.
When Kylie was ten, their mother, Julie, developed an aggressive cancer. Years of treatments left her weak and ill most of the time. This meant that Kylie had to pick up the daily chores and care of her younger sister when their mother was not able to. Before Kylie’s twelfth birthday, their mother passed away, charging her to take care of her sister.
Fearing celebrating her own, Kylie always made sure Samantha’s birthdays were the best they could be. Christmas was much the same, making sure her sister got everything she wanted, while Kylie only asked for practical gifts. When Samantha got into trouble at school, Kylie listened to her sister’s pleas to not tell their father. She even ended up smoothing things over, like finishing past due homework or projects that were never attempted.
As Kylie readied for college entrance exams, Samantha dove into the social crowd in middle school. When her sister’s school work and grades improved, she assumed better choices were being made, so she worried less about leaving for college. But, one day, after coming home from a college tour, Kylie found Samantha at home, in the middle of a make out session with a boy. Turns out she was rewarding him for getting her an A in all her classes. Once again, Samantha begged her to let it go, saying that she ‘had other skills’ besides being a book nerd like her.
In a moment of anger, Kylie told their father what happened. But instead of punishing Samantha, he scolded his oldest daughter for indulging the behavior, making her not know any better. Bitter from the interaction, she bided her time before moving into the college dorms, not speaking to either of them. Her father gave long speeches about letting things go and keeping the peace within the family. She eventually forgave them both before moving away for school. Though, every time she visited, Samantha seemed to have a new boyfriend and a different plan for her life.
Utterly defeated, she laid on the couch not knowing what to do. Jessy flopped down next to her with a sigh.
“Are you going to call him?”
“He’s with a client, he won’t answer.”
“Girl, he’s not meeting with a client,” Jessy said, giving her the side eye. “They plan these meetings days or even weeks in advance.”
“So… you’re saying…” Kylie couldn’t say the words.
“That every time he ‘had a meeting’ he was going to meet her? Yeah…” Jessy said.
“I… don’t…” Kylie lost the words. “He’s working…that video must be some kind of mistake.”
“Look, there’s a way to see if he is meeting a client last minute or he’s hold up in the hotel with Samantha,” Jessy said. “You gotta call your dad.”
“Why?”
“She still lives with him, right?”
Kylie nodded.
“See if she’s there.”
With shaking hands, Kylie reached for her phone. She stared at the picture of her father on her screen for a few minutes before hitting the call button. It rang several times before his gruff voice answered.
“Hey, honey,” he said, his voice chipper. “Unusual for you to call so late.”
“Hey… Dad.” Kylie cleared her throat, but she couldn’t completely hide her distress.
“Something going on?” he asked, his voice riddled with concern.
“No… no, nothing.” She cleared her throat again. “I wanted to see if Samantha was home. She didn’t pick up her phone.”
“Oh, no she’s not.” His words cut like a hot knife to her chest. “She said she was meeting some friends in the city and that she would be back late tomorrow. Didn’t want to drive afterwards, you know.”
“Yeah. Responsible choice.” Kylie chocked out a laugh. “Probably just didn’t hear it ring. Well, I won’t hold you up from going to bed. Good night.”
“Good night, honey,” he said. “Say Hi to James for me.”
“Yeah, sure. Bye.” Kylie sat, transfixed on her screen till it timed out.
“She’s not there, is she?” Jessy asked, her arms crossed.
“Still doesn’t mean they’re together now,” Kylie stated.
“What else could it mean?” Jessy pointed out. “They were together while you were at that conference on Monday.”
Kylie shook her head as tears began to pour down her face again.
“I have no idea how hard this is for you, but you need to face the facts and stop gas-lighting yourself into thinking this isn’t happening right now.”
“I just…” Kylie sobbed.
“Here, let me try calling your sister and see if she’s out partying, Okay?” Jessy held her hand out for Kylie’s phone.
Slowly, she handed it over. Jessy unlocked her screen and dialed Samantha. After almost enough rings to go to voice mail, she answered. Jessy put her on speaker.
“Hey, big sis! What’s up?” she answered, the background quiet for a night club.
“Um, it’s me, Jessy actually.” She kept her voice even.
“Why are you calling me, where’s my sis?”
“She had to run to the bathroom.” She lied. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you about her birthday party coming up. Is your dad there?”
“Um, sis doesn’t celebrate her birthday,” Samantha said.
“Yeah, but I was hoping we could all get together and change that.” Jessy shrugged her shoulders as she made up every word.
“I guess, so… You’re more than welcome to try,” Samantha said, seeming a bit confused.
“So, is your dad there?”
“Um, no. He already went to bed. Just me here.”
Kylie’s heart sank. She had the same tone in her voice that cuts in when she’s lying and if she was partying with friends or a guy, she would be bragging about it.
“I see,” Jessy said with a smirk of validation. “Maybe next time.”
“Yeah, sure,” she said dismissively. “Is that it?”
“Yeah,” Jessy said.
“Okay, bye,” she said quickly before hanging up.
“Right.”
Kylie crumpled. She put her head on Jessy’s legs and let the torrent of her emotions out. Blinding, cutting heaves clawed out of her throat as the true reality of her situation came crashing down into her stomach. How? Why? The words kept circling through her mind like parasites eating down her self image, her worth, and her dignity. Every breath hurt more than the last as wave after wave of agony shook her to her core. Her sobs gave way to wails that rubbed her voice raw and her tears came so hard they threatened to dry up entirely. Jessy rubbed her back, her shoulders, and her head in comfort. She told her that it was okay to cry, that it was understandable to fall apart, that it was fine to hate them. But did she hate them? Kylie heaved the last sob she had in her and considered that for a moment.
Did she hate them now? The two people who meant the most to her in her entire life. The two people she trusted most in the world besides her father and Jessy. The two people who have now betrayed her more than she ever thought possible. But did she hate them? Hate them enough to cut them out of her life? Hate them enough to make them face what they have done? But that wouldn’t be hate. Hate meant she could walk away and never look back; To write them off like the trash they laid themselves out to be. Whereas, what she wanted was to confront them and make them see how much her love for them destroyed her with their betrayal. Kylie sat up and accepted the cold rag Jessy got for her to put over her eyes. The icy cold cloth cooled her swollen face.
After a moment of silence, Jessy spoke up. “Whatever you want to do, I’m behind you.”
“Even if I stay with him and pretend that nothing happened?” Kylie looked over at her friend.
“Well, I’d first call you an idiot and then smack you upside your head, but I’ll be behind you if that’s your choice.” Jessy gave her a stern look. “Is that what you want?”
Kylie lolled her head to stare at the ceiling. She thought about welcoming James home with a smile, taking his briefcase and laying out a dinner it took three hours to prepare. Her stomach churned. She couldn’t even lie in her imagination, let alone put out a convincing act that she didn’t watch her sister go down on her husband in the bedroom they shared. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the images, but they stayed, burned into her brain like a brand from a hot iron.
“No.” She shook her head.
“Okay,” Jessy nodded in approval. “Then what do you want to do about this?”
Kylie thought for a moment. “I want them to know how much they hurt me.”
Jessy made a disappointed noise.
“What is it?”
“I hate to say this,” she began carefully. “But I’m not sure they would care.”
“How can you say that?” Kylie said. “If they weren’t ashamed, they wouldn’t keep it a secret.”
Jessy looked down at her hands. “I saw more of the video than you did… It wasn’t so much what they were doing, but what they were saying.”
Kylie gasped. She couldn’t recall any audio due to her shock of what the video revealed. “What were they saying?” she asked, her voice trembling.
“They discussed him divorcing you and marrying her,” Jessy said, unable to make eye contact. “Something about her looking better on his arm.”
What little semblance of herself that remained dissolved. Her voice died. Could it be true? Kylie recalled all of the subtle comments James made about her appearance, her eating habits and how her clothes fit. His job began taking the wheel in their marriage for a while now, but she was too busy trying to please him and make herself healthier to see it. It made sense now. What she didn’t understand was her sister. Why would Samantha entertain the idea of a man who was not only married to her sister, but also not her usual fair in men? Kylie thought James was handsome, but one of the first things Samantha said about him was, ‘You’re really scraping the barrel with this one, huh?’. Suddenly something started to boil inside of her. Something hot enough that it ignited her voice anew.
“He hasn’t been happy in a long time,” Kylie said aloud. “It makes sense for him to cheat…”
“Ky, he’s a lowlife who doesn’t deserve your understanding. He…”
Kylie put her hand up to stop her. “That’s not what I mean.”
“What is it?”
“He has obvious reasons, but what are hers?” Kylie squinched her brows. “How could she do this to me? What is she getting out of it?”
“Does he have a lot of money?” Jessy suggested.
“Not really,” Kylie said. “I oversee the accounts and I’d call his pay modest at best.”
“Unless he’s been funneling money before it hits your joint accounts?”
Kylie’s eyes lit up and grew to the size of saucers.
“You need to check his pay stubs,” Jessy said in a hurry. “If he’s hiding money, you’re entitled to half in the event of a divorce.”
Kylie thought about it. Starting over would be easier financially, but she would have to admit that he helped her. That his money was a stepping stone in starting over. She couldn’t do it. James may owe her for their three years of marriage, but she realized that she didn’t want any part of it. She wanted to be completely free of him with no strings attaching her to her old life.
Kylie shook her head. “I don’t care. He can keep it.”
“What are you talking about?” Jessy stood up. “He owes you a million times more than that for dealing with his petty crap for years!”
“Maybe.” Kylie agreed. “But I don’t want it. I want to only keep things that I earned so he has no part in what I build next.”
Jessy sighed. “I can understand that, but it’s such a waste to walk away from what you have built.”
“I don’t think so.” Kylie grabbed her phone again. “I want nothing from him, because I don’t need it.”
“So, how do you want to handle this?”
“I want them to know that I know,” Kylie said. “Do you know how to use the editing software on my laptop?”
“Yeah,” Jessy said. “Why?”
“Could you edit a snippet of that video, small enough to send over text message?”
“Oh…” Jessy said, understanding where Kylie was going with this idea. “That’s boss ass.”
Jessy had the video within an hour and sent it to Kylie via email. From there, Kylie sent it in a group message to both her sister and her husband before shutting off her phone. This can wait till tomorrow. I can’t deal with their excuses tonight. Hitting the send button on the video and watching it upload to them allowed her to get a piece of herself back. Allowed her to make that first new step into a life without either of them anymore. So I guess it is hate.
